The one change that worked: I stopped saying yes to everything – and found a phrase that made it easier

I had been conditioned to be kind, agreeable and unselfish since I was a child. Pausing to consider what I really want to do has transformed my life

It was 6.18pm when the email pinged through. The lasagne smelled decidedly overcooked as I attempted to referee another squabble between my kids. The cat litter needed changing, and my cup of tea sat next to the microwave, stone cold and grey. Still, irresistibly, I was drawn to the screen. I read the subject line: “Quick favour this evening, if you have a sec?” Without thinking I started to reply: “Of course, no probl ...”

I didn’t reach the end of the sentence. The hyper-sensitive smoke alarm started blaring. I grabbed a towel and swatted at the ceiling; by the time the house fell silent, I had forgotten about the email.