‘The delivery man arrived with the ashes in a gift bag’ – why are so many people opting out of traditional funerals?

In the UK and the US, ‘direct cremations’ – where no mourners are present and relatives and friends can organise their own ceremonies – are on the rise. Is it time to rethink how we say goodbye our loved ones?

When my father-in-law, Cliff, died in March 2021 after being diagnosed with an aggressive and late-caught cancer, he didn’t leave any funeral plans. Nor was there money squirrelled away to pay for them, even if he had. He was an ardent atheist, so a church service was out of the question, and pandemic restrictions had been limiting guest numbers, so my wife, Hayley, and her siblings decided to opt out of having a traditional funeral. Instead, they chose “direct cremation”, a service that minimises formalities – and, crucially, the cost. There is no funeral service; the coffin is simply brought into the crematorium before it is cremated, after which the ashes are returned to the family.

During an online consultation with “death specialists” Farewill, Hayley was quoted £1,062 for a direct cremation, more than £3,000 cheaper than the current average cost of a basic funeral. The only catch was that no one would attend the cremation, aside from those paid to carry it out. It seemed a cruel choice to some, who could not get their heads around the idea that there would not be a funeral to attend. But Hayley explained why it seemed like the perfect option: they could obtain her father’s ashes without fuss and hold their own, intimate ceremony on the banks of the River Wye, where Cliff had loved to fish.