No bickering around the Christmas tree! If your family are trapped by their algorithms, here’s the way out | Dr Kaitlyn Regehr

My research on social media shows high levels of misinformation and disconnect. Here’s how to talk to kith and kin this week without tears and tantrums

• Dr Kaitlyn Regehr is the programme director of digital humanities at University College London

December: a time of cultural rituals around food, gathering and taking to TikTok to bemoan bigoted relatives. Indeed, this new cultural ritual is now a social media staple that sweeps across our feeds over the festive period. We post about intergenerational debates on politics; stomaching “wokeness” jokes; and the now near-mythical “uncle” character – the older male holding court at the table – exemplified by tweets that go something like: “My uncle just went on a 10-minute rant about [insert topic]. The turkey is dry and so is his take.”

In these situations, many of us are torn between the impulse to call out harmful speech and our (or more often, our mother’s) longing for family harmony. These micro-yuletide tensions are played out at dinner tables across the country and are indicative of broader cultural and political polarisation. Polarisation is amplified by the social media-driven information silos in which we all now live.

Be proactive, not reactive. Start conversations organically, rather than in reaction to a comment or event. This will set an objective tone. Make conversations short and often, rather than one big event.

Think “big picture”. Focus the conversation on the overarching structures at play, perpetuated by the attention economy. Where possible, inspire agency around these topics by offering information about online processes and then let them do the critical thinking.

Focus on the positive. For young people in particular, focus on positive examples, role models and narratives. This is often much more powerful than talking about the negative examples. Talk to older children and teens about what they can be rather than what they can’t.

Dr Kaitlyn Regehr is programme director of digital humanities at University College London, lecturing on digital literacy and the ethical implications of social media and AI. She is also the author of Smartphone Nation: Why We’re All Addicted to Screens and What You Can Do About It