I seem to put out a strong ‘new-best-friend’ vibe, then I back off. Should I dial it down?

Sometimes we feel threatened by bids for closeness, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. It can help to consider if you’re being true to yourself

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When I was 17, I was quiet, an observer on the fringes. That was often mistaken for being wise. Now 70 (and, by the way, gay), I am chatty and opinionated with a tendency to talk over others in conversation. I have come by the changes honestly, so I don’t whip myself over it because I am enjoying expressing myself. But I do wonder if this is a normal progression, the loss of filters with ageing, or if I am simply losing my sociability – going off the rails in some way.

While I like being friendly to all and enjoy the company of women especially, I recognise how easily they can be hurt. I seem to put out a strong “new-best-friend” vibe, but then sometimes, when they step close, I feel crowded and back off. The flip-flop clearly offends and I don’t want to be doing that, but I frame it as being true to myself. Is this a destructive habit and if so, should I dial down the friendliness?

Eleanor says: How responsible are we for the ways other people see us?

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