I moved abroad to live with my wife, but I’ve come to hate her country | Ask Annalisa Barbieri

I’m not surprised you’re depressed, you put up with things that make you unhappy. But if you work out what you want, you can take steps to get there

• Every week Annalisa Barbieri addresses a problem sent in by a reader

I met my wife almost 20 years ago while I was working abroad temporarily. We instantly clicked, got married a few months later, and had to decide which country we lived in: hers or mine. For a host of reasons – mostly to do with work – we chose hers. Fortunately, I managed to find a job there, and after a few years got permanent resident status. At one level, that was all good.

In moving to my wife’s country, I gave up my preferred career and much of my social network. I can deal with that. But the big challenge I face is that, while I’ve never liked it much, I now detest the country in which I reside. I intensely dislike the behaviour, the prevailing attitudes, the social and political environment, the city I have to live in, and so on. I just hate it, but I’m stuck here for practical reasons connected with my wife’s work and our son’s education. (We wouldn’t be able to afford the international tuition fees for him to study in my home country, so moving back is not an option.)