‘I felt my soul leave my body’: 13 readers on the worst meal they ever cooked – from ‘ethanol risotto’ to gravy cake

There are lots of potential errors a home cook can make, whether mistaking a bulb of garlic for a clove or experimenting with a banana sauce for pork. Here are some culinary experiments to avoid

I’m very fond of steamed vegetables with lemon and black pepper. When I was pregnant, my loving partner took it upon himself to cook for me. We didn’t have any lemons. We did have kiwis. He proudly presented me with a dish of broccoli and kiwi. And, in his wisdom, he decided to boil the sliced kiwi with the broccoli, for rather longer than was necessary. His hope (he explained later) was that the broccoli would become “infused” with the kiwi flavour. Strangely, the opposite happened. The meal was rather bland, overcooked broccoli accompanied by broccoli-flavoured semi-transparent kiwi mush. My partner maintains he is a “visionary” aligned with Heston Blumenthal. I continue to disagree. Liz, Bath

I had bought my first home as a young soldier. I was a physical training instructor so invited the rest of the gym team to my house for a veggie lasagne. It was the first meal I’d cooked from a recipe and I thought two cloves of garlic meant two bulbs. Cue the amazing smells, mostly garlic, for some reason. I served it with much panache to the guys. Then watched their faces as they and their taste buds slowly died inside. Still oblivious, I tucked into mine only to experience my soul leave my body and look down on a lot of people drinking as much fluid as possible. Paul, 65, wildlife photographer, Powys, Cymru