From ‘mood hoovers’ to ‘energy vampires’ - here’s why negative friends are good for you | Emma Beddington

Jamie Oliver says he’s only hanging out with ‘lovely people’ in his 50s. But sometimes we all need an Eeyore around

I’m hungry for wisdom from others on dealing with midlife challenges, such as existential reckonings, fading relevance, developing a neck like a Salvador Dalí clock and a newfound passion for A Place in the Sun (just me? I can’t get enough of retirees’ apartment-complex conundrums). Most recently, I discovered Jamie Oliver’s words on turning 50 in an interview with Good Housekeeping: “I think if you’re going to have a good go at the second half of your life, you have to edit away all the noise,” he said. “Just be with lovely people. I’m avoiding negative people – ‘mood hoovers’ – and getting better at saying no.”

My first thought was: isn’t there a tension between “avoiding negative people” and “getting better at saying no”? Doesn’t that mean he has to avoid himself? I know – it’s exactly the kind of thing a mood hoover would say, and that’s because I am one. Although in our community we actually prefer the expression “energy vampire”. Please avoid “wet blanket” or “fun sponge” too – all this comparing us to utilitarian household items is offensive; we have feelings (albeit mainly negative ones). I’ll accept “downbeat cashmere throw”, at a pinch.